Valentine's Day

"Pshaw!  Valentine's Day.  Nothing but a false tradition invented by greeting card companies to sell useless crap!  I don't need some corporation insulting me.  I'm single and I like it!  I'm not going to put any significance into this day, because there's no significance to be had!"

...well, yeah.  That's how a holiday works.

With a couple exceptions (Veterans', Memorial, Presidents', and MLK Jr. Days come to mind), there are no major holidays with any actual meaning.  Let's run down the list, shall we?

-New Year's Eve/New Year's Day: Really not something worth celebrating, and more importantly, an arbitrarily chosen date.  Literally any day could be called New Year's Day.  Also, considering a year is not 365 days long but closer to 365.3, we should really be celebrating each subsequent New Year's six hours later than the previous until Leap Year sets it back.  It used to be April 1, to celebrate the coming of spring.  I'm not sure why we've decided the coldest month of the year deserves fireworks and unnecessary noise.  There's a product literally called a "noisemaker", and New Year's Eve is keeping it from burning in merchandise hell where it belongs.
-Oh good, Ireland is Catholic.  Let's consume alcohol and wear a certain color on that basis here in a country that isn't Ireland with our friends who aren't Catholic.
-April Fool's Day probably started to make fun of the people who were still celebrating New Year's.  It's been four hundred years.  We can let it go.
-Arbor Day makes sense, and of course no one celebrates it.  Let's move on.
-Easter is set on the first full moon after the vernal equinox.  It involves painting eggs and a giant rabbit who hides them along with candy, though in some countries (such as France) it's a chicken.  You know, just like the crucifixion.
-I'll give Mother's Day and Father's Day a pass, since I don't think I can describe why I dislike them without angering some people.
-Independence Day celebrates the day the United States became a sovereign country.  Actually, no it doesn't, since America went unrecognized by any other countries until years after the Revolutionary War, which itself ended years after 1776, and while the Declaration of Independence was finished on July 2 (not July 4) it wasn't published until later.  I'm not sure where July 4 came from, and I especially don't understand why we celebrate it with German food and Chinese explosives.
-Halloween is when we ensure our autumn harvest will not be assaulted by demons.  I think it's working.
-Yes, the pilgrims would occasionally break bread with the Native Americans when they weren't killing them or taking their land and then killing them.  But there wasn't any set time of the year for it, there was rarely an appointed purpose, let alone giving thanks (not that giving thanks wasn't the goal, it's just that the pilgrims were a mote religious and everything they said or did was giving thanks somehow), and of course they didn't have turkeys, nor did anyone at Thanksgiving until World War II.  They had bread, some vegetables, and eels.  I don't see many eels at Thanksgiving nowadays.
-Every December 25th, millions gather in the spirit the winter solstice when polygamist Celts born 2500+ years ago bring trees into their homes to appease the spirits, sang songs to appease the spirits, and dance around a fire, before a Scandinavian folk hero and his demonic assistant Krampus bring sweets to good children and beat the naughty ones with birch branches and then drag them to hell in rusty chains.  I mean, Christmas.  On an unrelated note, Jesus of Nazareth was born sometime in early April.

P.S. Hey, overpanicked moms concerned about your kids turning to Satanism because of rock'n'roll and Judy Blume?  You're the ones who taught them those Pagan traditions every year.
P.P.S. Oh yeah, Christmas is under attack?  Christmas dates to about 400 CE at the earliest, making Chanukkah between 500 and 900 years older than it.  Just sayin'.
P.P.P.S. Yeah, I just said CE.  Deal with it.

The point is, every holiday is meaningless, except for the fact that people have decided, "Hey, I should buy my significant other some dopamine-promoting foodstuffs, red paper in the shape of a female's buttocks, and some plant genitals, and go to an overpriced restaurant" or something else equally meaningless in the long run.  So if you want to knock Valentine's Day, be prepared for a very dull rest of the year, since there's nothing you can say about it you can't say about any other holiday.  I'm not going to force you to celebrate it, but I am going to request that you, in the words of B.B. Rodriguez, "kindly shut your noise-hole".

I realized at some point last year that the people protesting Valentine's day were collectively far more annoying than those who were celebrating or advertising it.  Yes, we know it's meaningless.  We just don't care.

Culture is what makes people do stupid stuff, but "stupid" doesn't necessarily mean "bad".  And if you don't believe me, let me ask you, what color do you associate with boys, and which with girls?  And let me ask you the follow-up question, why?

Yes, I realize there is absolutely no connection to the historical St. Valentine.  Yes, there is no actual reason to do any of the crap people do.  Those two clauses are true about absolutely any day of the year.  So just let them have their day.