Hello. I'm not sure if you noticed me, or if you've seen me around. I know I have seen you before, and while I don't know your names, I have come to know you as "They Who Lack Volume Control". I had hoped that was your only vice.
Last night I encountered you at the BYU-H swimming pool, where three of you had decided to inhabit one of the swimming lanes. As a person who swims laps, I and my ken are rather dependent on the existence of available lanes. You, meanwhile, seem to have chosen to not only take up this lane, but to remain at the shallow end, wrapped cozily in floatation devices, talking to one another in the piercing voices that have become your trademark.
I could have excused this if there were an abundance of open lanes; if there were no area where you could sit besides the lanes; or if you were even occasionally swimming what could be called a "lap", but alas you fulfilled none of these exonerating criteria. While there are many health advantages to swimming, there are relatively fewer to standing around shouting jovially at one another while partially submerged in water. Your inactivity rather defeats the purpose of whatever you hoped to accomplish--as a matter of fact, I do not even have a clue what you were trying to do, but I do know you failed, so useless was whatever it is you were--and I use this word loosely--"doing".
I could see quite clearly that all three other lanes were doubled up for nearly the entire time I was there. I noticed this while swimming back and forth, so you have no excuse for not noticing it while you were doing little but existing in a particular space, unless for you the mere act of existing takes up so much of your energy and focus you are unable to consider that others exist. I have considered this possibility, as your existing moniker suggests. Some people, myself included, even attempted to use the rest of the lane to work around you, functionally making you inanimate obstacles. However, an inanimate object does not occasionally shift and shout and sway and cast dirty looks in just such a way to make working around it more difficult. From this I can extrapolate that you are more useless than literally useless things.
I think you fail to understand that you could have stood just about anywhere in the pool. Frankly, the pool was extraneous for what you were doing. I'd wonder if you know how chairs work.
If you haven't gotten the gist, I hate you, mesdames. You might not the worst people in the world, but your faults--that is, being so self-involved and stupid and stubborn that you are unable to recognize that you are not only being inconsiderate to others but gaining utterly no benefit from it--are the kinds of thing that I consider the worst traits a person could have. You're the same kind of people who speed in residential zones and join pyramid schemes and I hate you.
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